Peer Review 1 방가연

Peer Review - 방가연

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4점
다양한 근거자료를 이용하여 자신의 주장을 강화한 점이 인상깊음

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
conclusion 부분에서 좀더 강하게 주장하면 좋을 것같다. 
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Classical music has positive influence on human.Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes and yes

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
I also think that the classical music has positive impacts. So I will write the thesis as similar with that.

Any other thoughts?
노우

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
I can identify 5 parts easily. And I thought that there is no missing part.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
Yes. Starting with the question leads me to read. 

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yrs, she explains about the Mozart Effects to understand and support the thesis.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
그렇다. 다양한 종류의 근거로 주장을 강화한 것같다. 
하지만 쥐 실험부분을 읽으며 약간의 의문이 들었다. 이 에세이에는 얼마나 오랜기간, 혹은 시간 음악을 들려줬는지가 명확하게 나타나 있지 않는 것같다. 그래서 궁금했다. 그리고 만약 짧은 시간 음악을 들려준 것이라면 과연 그 음악이 뇌에 영향을 미칠 수 있을까? 하는 의문이 들었다.  

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
yes, 또다른 자료를 이용해 반박했다. 

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
네, 반대의견을 인정하며 단점보다는 장점이 많다는 말이 인상깊었다. 하지만 마지막 부분인 만큼 더 강하게 주장할 필요가 있는 것같다. 

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
딱히 없는듯!

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I agree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I also agree

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
여전히 그렇게 생각함.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
실험, 연구결과, 경험 등 다양한 사례로 근거를 들은 것 같다. 

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
yes
Are the sources obvious?
yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
yes 적절한 부분에서 근거자료를 이용함

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
없는 것 같다