Peer Review 2 박대경

Peer Review 2 박대경

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
3점, 근거자료나 사례들은 좋으나, 필요한 구성요소들이 빠져있다

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
나레이션과 마무리부분이 없는 것같은데, 기본 구조를 지켜 글을 써야할 것같다. 

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Anonymity on the Internet is important, it should not be guaranteed because of its harmful aspects.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
그렇다 이미 디베이트의 주제로 흔히 쓰이고 있는 것으로 안다.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
나라면 thesis를 좀더 강하게 했을 것 같다. 

Any other thoughts?
노우

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
아직 글을 읽지 않아서 모르겠지만, 들여쓰기한 부분만 보면 4개의 파트로 나뉜것 같다.  

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
yes 일상에서 흔히하는 경험을 물음으로써 집중시키는 것 같다.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
이 부분은 조금 부족한것 같다. 배경지식을 설명한다기 보다는 사례중심인것같다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
ytes

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
네

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
conclusion 이부분이 없는 것같다

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
빠진 부분을 다시 써야한다

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I agree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
still agree

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
..................................................................................................................................................

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
실제 사례를 이용하여 더 현실적으로 느껴졌다

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
예스

Is the research from appropriate sources?
예스

Are the sources obvious?
예스

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
예스

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
conclusion and narration have to be improved